It’s time for the first annual AML Movie Awards for the films from 2007! There is something fun about doing the “first annual” anything, because in my experience, there is rarely a “second annual” for some reason.
I know, we’re all sick of award shows and we still have The Oscars coming on Sunday. If you get hit with ANOTHER ceremony that does nothing but inflate the ego of tons of rich actors out there, you’ll lose it.
Well, I get that, I feel you, so this is going to be the rewarding-of-things-not-normally-rewarded-in-movie-award-shows.
Whew…try spitting saying that line in under 10 seconds and you’ll win an AML Award!
These awards are random and will likely change year to year. You’ll understand when you read them. Some are funny, some aren’t, all are deserved.
Hope you enjoy this little precursor to the Academy Awards…perhaps the AML Movie Awards will help influence them in the future.
The 2007 AML Movie Awards
Best Looking Dude Covered in Oil
Daniel Day Lewis from There Will Be Blood – No competition in this category…although there were a ton of guys in the movie covered in oil at one point or another, but with Lewis winning all awards this year anyways, may as well give him the big Oil one as well!
Putz of the Year
Billy Mitchell from The King of Kong – Someone who enjoys and relishes fame from a 26 year old record at Donkey Kong and wont show up in public to play Steve Weibe is a putz.
Hmm, this actually could be a yearly award. Stay tuned.
Best Trailer of the Year
There Will Be Blood – A serious award, been awhile since a trailer caught my eye the way the one for There Will Be Blood did. Great score and a monologue by Daniel Day Lewis.
Most Disgusting Meal of the Year
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Seville – I doubt anyone disagrees with this one. Meat pies, made from dead people with slit throats. Pass the salt?
Best Imitation of a Star
Well, it was a tight race between Claire Danes from Stardust and the bad guy in Sunshine. That dude had been sitting looking at the sun from a spaceship for so long he practically became a star, plus you couldn’t look directly at him.
Claire Danes is the winner though, for the simple reason that she just pulled off being a star better and not to mention how looking at her didn’t burn your retinas.
Most Embarrassing Moment of the Year
Jonah Hill from Superbad – Dude…a hot girl dances on your leg and leaves you with a blood stain…I really don’t know what else to say about that.
Best Use of Orange Tic-Tacs
Ellen page in Juno – She put a ton of orange Tic-Tac boxes in Michael Cera’s mailbox to get him back. It was probably the most Tic-Tacs I’ve ever seen in one spot.
Most Awkward Scene of the Year
Katherine Heigel and Seth Rogan in Knocked Up – Those two trying to have sex while she was pregnant was one of those scenes in which you just felt better not watching.
Worst Three-Quel of the Year
Tough call between Pirates 3 and Spiderman 3, but I’ll give it to Spidey and the complete suckiness of that film. Too many bad guys, not enough plot.
Worst Dance of the Year
Tobey Maguire in Spiderman 3 – We’ll stick with the Spidey theme and mock Maguire dancing like a nutjob in that nightclub. What the HECK was that anyways?
Best Beard of the Year
Leonidas in 300 – That thing was awesome. It was like another character in the movie.
Best Nose of the Year
Matt Damon in Oceans 13 - No one even knows why he needed the nose to pull of the stunt he did, but it was funny as hell.
Nerve-Wracking Moment of the Year
Will Smith in I Am Legend – While I didn’t like the movie as much as I wanted, the scene in which he gets trapped and is hanging upside down, while the sun is setting, made me bite my nails like there was no tomorrow.
Best Use of Dead Pigs
SAW III - I don’t even think this came out in 2007, but the scene in which they fill up a tank to drown a guy by blending up giant dead pigs was so sick and twisted I couldn’t look away.
The How the Mighty Have Fallen award
Hillary Swank in The Reaping – Just horrible reviews and it’s so weird how Swank can go from Million Dollar Baby to The Reaping. Does she even read her scripts or is there dart throwing involved?
The Vomit award
Cloverfield – If you saw it, you either threw up or you didn’t. I didn’t.
Worst Sequel of the Year
Evan Almighty – I love Steve Carell, but there apparently was absolutely NOTHING good about this film from all the reviews I’ve read and people I’ve talked to.
I Can’t Believe That! award
Wild Hogs – The movie got a 15% on Rotten Tomatoes, but made $168 million at the box office. Are you kidding me? A close second in this category was Norbit.
Coolest Car of the Year
Bumblebee in Transformers – I’m not sure about you guys, but I think if I was a car and could just change myself to look like a DIFFERENT car, that would be pretty sick. Also, lets not forget he can transform into a FREAKING ROBOT.
Best Hugh Grant Movie of the Year
Music and Lyrics – What, it was the only one? Weird…
The Workaholic award
Judd Apatow – Knocked Up, Superbad and Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story all came out last year and Apatow was linked to every one of them. Dude needs a vacation.
Claustrophobia award
John Cusak in 1408 – Locked in a tiny hotel room for an entire movie, I’d have gone nuts. Come to think of it, so did Cusack.
Best Way to Kill a Helicopter
Bruce Willis: Launching your car at it from Live Free or Die Hard – Never seen something as awesome as using a toll booth to launch a car 40 feet into the air to take out a helicopter. And I don’t think I’ll see something that good for awhile.
The Epic Movie award
Epic Movie – Duh?
Best Bloodbath
Smokin’ Aces – This movie was so full of explosions and guns, with dead people piling up all over, getting limbs whacked off and heads blown away…I really think they could have gone with just a LITTLE bit more blood.
Best Use of a Peg Leg
Chick with Machine Gun as Leg in Grindhouse – I don’t know her name, I haven’t seen it yet, but if you unfortunately lost a leg along the way, nothing could be better than slapping a gatlin gun on there and killing people.
Thank You and Good Night!
There were a lot more awards, but these are the ones handed out in this blog post, the rest were given out at a dinner last night that was hosted by Drew Barrymore.
She was shocked when she received the Latest Hot Chick to Fall in Love with Hugh Grant in a Movie award.
It was a nice moment.
Mo.. GREAT list cant wait till next years!! I had a bunch of comments but since you threw in a Transformer award =) I took em all back…save one….
“Best Looking Dude Covered in Oil -Daniel Day Lewis from There Will Be Blood “… you mean you couldnt find a best chick covered in oil, you managed to have a dude category? Is this a closet category? =P
Ha – hilarious list Mike – good job!
If there was a chick covered in oil SOMEWHERE this year, she would have won
Great stuff Mike. I’d love to see you hold over many of those categories in ‘09.
“Best Hugh Grant Movie of the Year” made me lol.