The second day of Round 2 in Ultimate Bad Ass begins now with the Chuck Norris bracket. Last week Chuck stayed alive, again a good thing when you have an entire bracket named after you.
Chuck still whooped up on Ethan Hunt from Mission Impossible by a score of 22-10, but that was a far cry from the domination Jack Bauer had in a 29-2 defeat of MacGyver.
No surprises here as the Top 4 seeds all advance. You can see the results of Round 1 right here.
This week’s winners are:
- #1 Chuck Norris
- #3 Han Solo
- #2 Jason Bourne
- #4 John Rambo
And now, onto Round 2:
#1 Chuck Norris versus #3 Han Solo
A highly unlikely matchup between science fiction hero and Texas Ranger (one of Norris’ countless professions along the way).
[poll id="22"]
#2 Jason Bourne versus #4 John Rambo
Now this one should be interesting. A commando who uses stealth and massive firepower against a guy who could kill you before you even knew you were under attack.
[poll id="23"]
I had to vote for Chuck Norris even though I don’t really like him much.
But Jason Bourne was a no-brainer.
Chuck Norris, not having a single character to freeze his age, is now 103 and cannot move as quickly as he once could. Alas, dementia has also set in and he now believes that he is, in fact, Walker, Texas Ranger. Therefore, he will attempt to “apprehend” Han Solo as he thinks Solo is a fugitive from justice. Solo, however, will treat Norris like he does Greedo in Star Wars and will shoot him dead before Norris is able to call for backup from his non-existent radio. Han Solo wins.
Rambo is at first hesitant to attack Jason Bourne, but once the decision has been made to go to war he will go full force. Unfortunately, this entails spending a lot of time trying to get his bandana to tie around his head just right. Bourne offers to help, but instead uses the bandana to strangle Rambo to death and then break his neck…just for good measure. Bourne wins again.
“A commando who uses stealth and massive firepower against a guy who could kill you before you even knew you were under attack.” Great line!
@ Jason – your breakdowns are comical. keep them coming.
Another Jason Bourne beat down so far
@Jason, lol… I’m not even going to top that… too funny =)
However, Solo is no spring chicken anymore either, and I think Chucks continued use of the total Gym allows him to prevail here…
The bourne vs Rambo is a tough one, it could all depend on the environment it takes place in, but… I’m going to give the nod to Bourne
I predict Bourne as well, but there’s one way Rambo could pull it off. It’s a variation on the Shatner battle, and I think it would go a little something like this…
RAMBO
(Incoherent) mmmhehm mm heh mhenbhr
BOURNE
What’s that?
RAMBO
(Incoherent) brmhbh hem khkh emrmr!
Bourne moves closer to Rambo to hear what he’s saying
BOURNE
You’ll really need to speak up.
Rambo kicks Bourne in the nards and then shoots him with his AK-47. The entire clip. Then he reloads and shoots again. For good measure.
R.A. Porter’s last blog post..She must give a mighty good blowjob
Ya know, aside from us missing Riddick… I think we also missed out on having Snake Plissken in the tourney..
Woh, Han Solo ties it up, Rambo gets a vote!
I’m surprised Chuck vs. Han is really this close…
Solo and Bourne – too easy.
The Trousered Ape’s last blog post..American Idol (2008) – Week 9 – Top 3
Goodness, Norris is on his way to a major embarrassment
Norris – he ain’t no Gredo…
The Trousered Ape’s last blog post..American Idol (2008) – Week 9 – Top 3
@R.A. – Nice try, but you’re missing the obvious outcome of that exchange. Rambo will try to shoot Bourne will his AK-47, but Bourne will do that thing he does where he moves his hand really fast and disarms you before you even know what has happened. He will do this so fast that the gun, already having had its trigger pulled, will actually unload on Rambo, because Bourne will now be holding it and pointing it at Rambo’s face.
@Ape – You’re right, he’s not Greedo. He’s much, much older. And slower.
I wouldnt count lone wolf mcquade out of it yet…
@Jason – oh, don’t get me wrong. I didn’t think Rambo had a shot. That was just the only way I thought he *might* have had a chance. You’re probably right, though. Bourne would get him even like that.
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I am surprised Rambo has 4 votes. Somewhat impressive considering Bourne dismantled his AK-47 in a blink of an eye.