Ultimate Bad Ass: The Winner

A simple contest that was begotten from a Friday Question we posted, which turned into a discussion about who was more of a stud, Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris, and that became what we know today as Ultimate Bad Ass.

The most hilarious thing is that here at the very end, neither Jack nor Chuck made it into the final round. At least we can thank them for inspiring the beginning of this thing.

So here we are…the winner is known, and it likely wont be a surprise to anyone. But our very own Jason Clark witnessed the entire thing and his account of the battle is below for those that want to find out exactly how the brawl went down.

#1 Jason Bourne versus #1 John McClane

The battle account

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. McClane.  Everything’s been taken care of.”

John McClane smiles as he finishes loading his pistol.  The Ultimate Bad Ass Contest hadn’t been the piece of cake he he been promised it would be when he first signed up.  Sure, he’d taken out some tough guys during the last couple of weeks, but Jason Bourne?  That would be a different story altogether.  Thank God for back room contacts.

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Jason Bourne waits patiently for his target to appear – one John McClane. Bourne wouldn’t be taking any chances this round. A single shot; a bullet to the head from a couple buildings away. That would be the best way.

His cell phone buzzes with an incoming call. Bourne checks the number. He knows the signal. He had arranged for a spotter to signal him when McClane was entering the kill zone. McClane would be coming from the North. Bourne begins scanning the area through his scope.

Nothing. No sign of McClane.

The cell phone buzzed again. The signal for a Southern entrance. What’s going on? Once again Bourne scanned the area through the scope. Still nothing.

Something is wrong.

Another call. No, a text. What? How could anyone know to send him a text? THIRD TIME’S A CHARM – It reads. Bourne quickly brings his rifle up and begins scanning the crowd in the plaza below. Quickly! Where is McClane?

Suddenly a brief glare from another building rooftop catches his attention. Bourne brings his scope to bear on the other shooter just as the bullet enters his eye and explodes out of the back of his head.

——————————-

“It is done. You are the winner.” McClane closes the cell phone.

“Yippee-Kai-Yay,” McClane says almost to himself. “Who’s the Ultimate Bad Ass now?”

The Ultimate Bad Ass Championship official assigned to McClane sits on the couch looking slightly pale and more than a little upset.

“Aren’t you afraid your fans will be disappointed in you by the way you handled that? Aren’t you afraid they’ll find the victory somewhat unfulfilling?”

“Who cares how you win,” McClane says. “As long as you win.”

The final tally:

John McClane: 101
Jason Bourne: 57

Thanks and Forward Thoughts

We just wanted to thank everyone for making this contest a blast. Every week we voted, discussed the matchups and gave each other crap for choosing whoever we did. It was fun and worth the extra work to make it happen.

Which makes me think that we need to do it again.

But this time, how about Ultimate Bad Guy? There are some amazing bad guys out there, and that might really be a fun one to do.

If we do it, we’ll start nominations in a week or two, to give ourselves a break from Ultimate Bad Ass.