Movie Review: “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” (2008)

The last time I did the midnight movie thing was for Return of the King back in 2003. My 30+ year old body just doesn’t deal with the morning-after lack of sleep as well as it used to.

But I was younger back then and it was a heck of a movie to lose sleep over.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was not.

I still had a good time and got to read an entire graphic novel while waiting for the movie to start. But once it began and I saw a bunch cute CGI groundhogs scurrying everywhere, I felt like perhaps I was in trouble.

I’m not going to discuss much about what the movie is about, because I find the fun in Indiana Jones films is discovering everything along the way. All you need to know is that there is going to be some mysterious quest that Indy goes on and he runs into some characters along the way, like Shia Labeouf and a surprise-ish guest.

I say surprise, because anyone who has paid attention to the previews or news on the film knows who I’m talking about, but in case you don’t, I wont spill the beans.

I really have mixed feelings about The Crystal Skull. On one hand, I’m trying not to be too hard on the thing, because Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford obviously intended this to be a fun ol’ romp with a happy ending.

But that’s not the Indiana Jones I grew up loving.

As much fun as the previous three movies were, they had an underlying seriousness to them I felt. The artifacts Indy was looking for all had an important meaning, and it felt like it. The Lost Ark…the Holy Grail…and while Temple of Doom was just some cool stones, the enslaved children gave it a dark undertone that had a “real” quality to them.

The Crystal Skull gives us an Indy that is just going through the motions with a big happy grin on his face. None of the discoveries leading to their final destination seem hard to find. In fact, it was almost as if we were being spoon-fed all the answers.

And there isn’t any fear of anything going wrong. Yeah, it’s Indy, so it’s not like anyone ever dies or anything, but at least it FELT real in the other films. This one was so over the top…you’d better bring a massive ability to “suspend belief.”

The end of The Last Crusade…when Sean Connery gets shot. That was a brutal scene, one that jolted us all. It was impactful and made the final quest that much more important for Indy to finish.

There is none of that greatness here.

I thought Labeouf was the best part of the film. He had some funny lines – loved it when he combed his hair in the middle of a creepy graveyard – and really got the audience laughing from what I could gather.

But I also heard a few laughs that were really groans at what was going on with the other characters, including the surprise guest that ABSOLUTELY did NOT work for me at all. The smattering of forced applause at the end sort of echoed my sentiments as well.

Spielberg and Ford wanted to send off Indy into the sunset but after a 20-year hiatus waiting for the perfect idea and script, the writing and acting were just not very good.

Although I did love Cate Blanchett. She was just delicious as a Russian KGB agent and I couldn’t find a single fault in her performance. There was also a good scene with some giant ants that made me itch for 10 minutes after it was over.

I really, really wanted to like this movie. It’s friggin’ Indiana Jones for crying out loud, but the fan inside me just felt a bit cheated. This was not the ending I was looking for.

Of course…they may not think it’s the ending either, and Labeouf could be their choice to continue it. But I still say, choose Nathan Fillion.

Mike’s Rating – 6 out of 10