‘Summer Catch’ ruined my life

A few months ago, we posted a review of Summer Catch. Admittedly, I’m no fan of Summer Catch, so my review would’ve been much different.

From what I remember, there’s a couple of scenes where Jessica Biel is sporting a nice-looking swimsuit, which I’m fairly certain were the highlights of the entire film. (Let it be noted that I only use the word film here because it’s pretty standard terminology, even if the film is undeserving of the term.)

Finally, someone took a few moments out of their day and let us have it. This is much more well said than anything I would’ve written. Here’s a review from one of our readers:

I actually vomited and pooped out the wrong holes while watching this film. After I awoke from my epileptic seizure caused by the line uttered by Jessica Beil (Let yourself be great), I found myself imprisoned in some sort of Russian Gulag. I was beaten and tortured day and night for two years, but this pain could not compare to that which I experienced while watching this film. After being released from the Siberian Prison, doctors told me that I am now slightly retarded, not from the malnutrition of the forced labor camp, but from (as you may have guessed) watching Summer Catch. I am married now and my children were born with flipper fins because my wife and I conceived our children while watching this movie. I have enrolled them in the institute for children with mutations caused by “Summer Catch” also known as ICMCSC. I have started selling bracelets similar to those created by Lance Armstrong to help fund ICMCSC. They read: “Summer Catch Ruined My Life”. An alternative slogan, that was later rejected, read: Let Yourself…Summer Catch Sucks. Till my dying day I will never forgive those who have taken so much from me. I have made peace with my alcoholic abusive father, I have forgiven that one guy who stole my car and then ran me over with it, I have even buried the hatchet with my cousin who actually lit me on fire and then peed on me to put it out, but since he had so much alcohol in his system, it actually further engulfed me in flames…but I will always carry the hate for those who made, starred in, and produced this Godless abomination of a film. Have a nice day.

Does anyone know how I can get in touch with this guy? I’m always on the lookout for honest writers.