EPISODE THREE

We begin Episode three of Hard Knocks 2008 with the coaches evaluating the performance of the players during the San Diego preseason game.  The first team was solid and efficient so coaches are giving them a lot of praise.  However, the second team and beyond had very little praise as they were far less productive compared to the second and third string of the Chargers.  Danny Amendola’s fumble on his first punt return was mentioned.  That’s not good for the fan favorite underdog.

It’s time for more of the T.O. show!  We have shots that go back and forth between coach talking about the Cowboys have one goal of getting to and winning the Super Bowl and T.O. running shirtless (of course) up the side of a mountain all the while the voice of the coach is heard about trying to inspire the players to from being good football players to great football players.  He challenges his team to write down on paper what they need to do to go from “good to great” and then go and do those things.

Let me try: “Good to Great”

1. Drink more water and slow down on the Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper
2. Go to bed earlier and get up earlier
3. Run a mile a day
4. Help an old lady cross the street
5. Watch less television and read more
6. Listen to wife

Okay, this is just ridiculous.  There’s nothing wrong with just being good.  Leave the greatness to someone else.

Now it’s time to focus on Tony Romo’s friendship with TE Jason Witten.  Although, Witten states that he is not a part of Tony’s entourage.  Everyone agrees, including Romo, that Romo can’t sing.  You could also search for a video of him singing at a Chicago Cubs game to verify this fact.  Still, Tony maintains that his new found fame of being the Quarterback of “America’s Team” has not changed him.  Well, except for dating blondes in the music industry with hot bodies and tons of money.  Yeah, nothing’s changed.  Anyway, there is a pretty funny moment where Troy Aikman sends a text message asking Jerry Jones where his retirement installment is after finding out the Green Bay Packers offered Brett Favre $25 Mil to stay retired.

Get your popcorn ready.  We find out that Jerry Jones likes popcorn himself and offers sports writer Peter King a bucket full of popcorn.  Peter then proceeds to start stuffing his mouth.  I wish that would stop him from writing sometimes.  We are reminded a game last year when Owens grabbed popcorn from someone in the stands (probably staged prior to game) after he scored a touchdown.  But this year is a new T.O.  The younger receivers are calling Terrell Owens the Godfather of the receivers.  He is seen given some solid instruction and advice to the younger receivers just simply trying to make the team.  How would you like Mr. Owens to be teaching your child?  If it’s teaching my son how to play football, then I’m all in.

NFL reinstatement hopeful Adam Jones is a great man on man cover guy, but struggles mightily with zone coverages.  After the first preseason game against the Chargers, he said that he couldn’t call his momma because she would have griped him out for the way he played.  You can always count on momma to tell it lke it is.  He was also trying to show Dave Campo how to dance and that is worse than watching me dance… well, maybe not.  White boyz 4 life foo’.  Represent!

As the Cowboys are getting ready to scrimmage against the Denver Broncos in preparation for their second preseason game, a funny moment involving head coach Wade Phillips and T.O. occurred.  Wade Phillips was telling his players not to wear shorts like T.O. was wearing.  He then asked him where he got those shorts so that he would make sure never to shop there.  At the same time, you see that T.O. is also wearing a shirt that says “I heart Haters” and Wade says, “yeah, see, you love me.”  Get your own “I heart Haters” shirt here.

We find out Demarcus Ware and his wife have lost 3 babies so they decided to adopt.  The child is still a baby and Ware signs on to iChat for a little video conference with his wife and baby.  I’m not sure there is nothing better than seeing a giant football player singing “Knees and toes” to a little baby in a lap top screen.  As a father, you just understand no matter how ridiculous it looks.  Sing it with me now:

Head, shoulders, knees and toes,
Knees and toes.

Head, shoulders, knees and toes,
Knees and toes.

And eyes, and ears, and mouth,
And nose.

Head, shoulders, knees and toes,
Knees and toes.

It’s scrimmage time against Denver.   Apparently, excuses still come up with great players.  Romo overthrew T.O. a bit and asked him what was going on.  Romo said that he used to be able to get those and that he would take a little off if T.O. couldn’t catch up anymore.  T.O. started giving the excuse of the thin Denver air, so Romo was able to throw it farther than normal.  T.O. still claims that Romo can’t overthrow him at normal altitudes.  Gotta love the back and forth bantering.

Uh oh.  The players are getting better, but dropped balls seem to occurring more frequently this episode.  Players have to do 50 push ups for dropped passes and 25 for mental mistakes.  There are a lot of drops during this episode.  Ouch.  Two-a-days are wearing the players down.  The players legs are getting tired and some don’t feel the need to follow all the treatments to keep the muscles from getting sore.  It’s hard to unteach stubborn I guess.

Amendola gets praise for his natural punt returning ability, but talks always go back to his fumble on his first return in the preseason game.  Todd Lowber is starting to get better and learning his role as a receiver and the coaches are noticing.  Martellus Bennett is finally getting praise for working harder and taking his game to the “next level”.  Keon Lattimore is still not getting many reps and struggling with the assignments when time is given to him.  He’s got talent.  We’ll just have to see if it’s NFL talent.

Tempers flare up during the practice with Denver Broncos.  Oooo, fight, fight, fight!  Ah, sissies.  No drama, just a bunch of pushing going on.  Apparently, it was supposed to be light workout with touching instead of tackling.  Cowboys safety Roy Williams was upset about that, but the Broncos seem to be taking it a little more seriously so Cowboys decide to try to “touch” back.  The scuffle is short lived and quickly broken up by teammates.

Adam Jones prepares his formal written request for reinstatement into the NFL and sends it to commissioner Roger Goodell prior to game against Denver.  We are still waiting for his decision which is supposed to come before August 30th.  The Cowboys are sluggish in their second preseason game.  They don’t appear to be in it mentally.  The Cowboys aren’t tackling; they are committing too many penalties.  Greg Ellis holds an impromptu players meeting with his fellow defensive players.  They respond.  The players get fired up and play better and stop the Broncos from driving down the field.  The second team moves the ball down the field and scores thanks mainly to Miles Austin.  Unfortunately Austin gets hurt on the ensuing kick off.

Adam Jones hasn’t played since the NFL added the rule that players can’t spike the football after a play except for touchdowns so he gets penalized for doing just that.  I hate that rule among a few others.  It’s stupid just like the excessive celebration rule.  It is what it is though and all the players are fully aware of them.  It’s considered a “Delay of Game” penalty, so I kind of understand, but it’s still stupid.  Martellus Bennett has a strong game.  He had some good blocks and great catches with several broken tackles.  Aggies might actually be good for something after all.  LOL!  Anyway, Denver wins 23-13.

The game is over and the team is headed back to Dallas.  Training camp in Oxnard, CA is over and it’s time to make final preparations for the season.  We’re getting close to the time where Dallas has to make some cuts so we’ll see how many of these players that the show is focusing on actually make the team.  it’s starting to get good, not that it wasn’t already.

Author’s note:  My quick apologies for the delay of this post in regards to when the show actually aired.  I had a weekend full of fantasy football drafts and time went by faster than I anticipated.  With that being said, if any of you enjoy fantasy games then allow me to offer you some of my challenges that are free to participate in.  Just visit my latest post – Thinkbox issues Fantasy Challenges for 2008.

EPISODE TWO

This show begins with some shots of Jerry Jones’ grandkids. As if Jerry Jones reads PopCritics, he then proceeds to participate in Slapface – the game from The Office promo that we posted about. T.O. also plays with the Jerry’s grandchildren by torturing one in an ice bath. It looks like the producers want to make sure Owens has plenty of camera time.

The Cowboys are a family. They are supposed to look out for each other according to head coach Wade Phillips. There are several flashbacks throughout this episode. I’m not going to bore you with the specific details but I particularly enjoyed the videos from the 60s/ 70s of Wade’s dad Bum Phillips. I went to High School in the Houston area so I was a huge Oilers fan and while I never knew Bum as a coach, I did know him as an awesome announcer. We would turn the tv on, mute it, and listen to Bum Phillips call the game. Good times! Anyway, this episode is getting a little too lovey dovey for me. Families fight and there was only one minor temper tantrum between some defensive and offensive players. Boring! The roster includes the strong personalities of Terrell Owens, Tank Johnson, and Adam Jones. I know they won’t be best friends forever.

T.O. seems to take a shot at Bill Parcells when he talks about how Wade treats people like men without yelling like they were pieces of meat. The intent of the interview is to lift of Wade’s coaching style, but there is little doubt of who Owens is referring to by that comment. Can’t we just all get along? Parcells is in Miami now and has no chance of challenging the Cowboys for the Super Bowl title anytime soon.

There are celebrities galore that seem to want to check in on Cowboys camp. Magic Johnson makes an appearance as a guest speaker and talks about winning a championship and working together. I love me some Magic Johnson. Others like Jamie Foxx, Rob Lowe, and Dennis Miller make quick appearances. Who doesn’t love the Dallas Cowboys? Oh yeah… people in Philadelphia, New York, Washington, Pittsburgh, Houston, Green Bay, Minnesota… I guess the list can go on.

The second episode focuses on a few main guys that include Felix Jones, Danny Amendola, Zach Thomas, Keon Lattimore, Tank Johnson, and Martellus Bennett. Danny Amendola seems to be the fan favorite dark horse to make the team. T.O. loves him. Many have compared him to Wes Welker. They both are versatile, both played wide receiver and punt returner, and both played for Texas Tech. Owens says his money is on the table however. If Amendola doesn’t make the Cowboys squad, then he’ll make another team. Let’s hope he makes this team.

There was a funny moment involving Zach Thomas catching punts. In case any of you didn’t know, Zach Thomas is a 35 year old linebacker and has no chance ever to serve as a punt returner. Patrick Crayton was making fun of him. On one he had to run a bit and Crayton said that he probably pulled every ass muscle he had. The narrator quickly stated that Zach has someone to pull his ass muscles for him as they cut to a scene where he is being massaged. You will actually see this on the video below. Later on, Zach gives Keon Lattimore a pretty good shot that knocked him back and off his feet during a practice play. It was not as solid as the hit Marion Barber did in episode one, but it was a de-cleater nonetheless. Too bad it wasn’t included in the video.

Offensive Coordinator Jason Garrett’s dad has run every day for 26 years straight and has not missed a day. One of the funniest scenes of the show is watching him run across the screen – well, I use “run” loosely for a 78 year old man. It seemed to take 5 mins to go what looked like 15 yards. That’s great entertainment from something that really has nothing to do with Dallas Cowboys training camp.

Oh, Lord.. Mrs. Price! Fans are fanatical. I realize that. But OMG! You’ll briefly see what I mean in the video, but that lady is flat out crazy. Keep your children locked and stowed away in their upright position. I think all she does is yell. Sam Hurd did a pretty funny impression of her when he described her grandma kiss on the show.

A little bit more on the T.O. show. Roy Williams makes fun of a camera shot of T.O. running on the beach then throwing a rock. Roy Williams was mimicking T.O. in dramatic fashion like he had a Zoolander worthy model look. He emphasized that T.O. was flexing his muscles while he ran and posed as he threw the rock in the ocean. Funny stuff.

Game time. It’s time for highlights of the preseason game versus San Diego. Amendola returns the first punt, but then quickly fumbles it. Doh! That’s not going to help make T.O.’s prediction come true. Zach Thomas busts up a few plays like he has done for so long in the NFL. He was a solid free agent pick up this year. Felix Jones looked impressive with his speed and cuts. Martellus Bennett struggled. First team offense and defense look strong. The second team faltered and the depth may not be as strong as originally thought. Cowboys lose 31-17 but starters were only in for one series each.

Overall, the second episode was not as good as the first. There must not have been much going on as there were a lot of side stories relating to relatives of the coaches. However, the funny moments were really funny and Mrs. Price… well, I’m speechless. Enjoy this short video of one person’s opinion of the highlights of this episode and I’ll let the ice bath shrinkage scene speak for itself. I just wish a few more scenes were included.

EPISODE ONE

We begin episode one of Hard Knocks (2008) Training Camp with the Dallas Cowboys with shots of Jason Witten, Tony Romo, and Martellus Bennett leaving their homes and families. Blah, blah, blah. They have more money than you and I do combined so their houses are big and fancy. Yada yada yada… yeah, your families will miss you but not your money.

The players arrive at training camp in Oxnard, CA. Yeah, Oxnard. I know. It’s the most ridiculous name for a city. It was probably named after someone so I’m sorry if I offended the Oxnard family, but yo, seriously… that’s a ridiculous name. Anyway, there’s a pretty funny moment when Terrell Owens, or T.O. as I like to call him (original I know) arrives and a couple of the players are asking what his reporting weight is. So they ask, “2 what? 2 what?” As in two hundred and how many pounds. T.O. calmly replies, “Too sexy.” Good stuff.

Say what you want about Mr. Owens, but the guy just cracks me up. My favorite quote of his is, “I love me some me!” Classic. That being said, T.O. knows how to market himself and has a line of sporting T-shirts that he is selling on his website – TO Tees where you can buy the iLove Me Some Me T-shirt among several others. Check it out! Coming soon: a photo of me lovin’ me some me.

One impressive piece of footage included Adam Jones catching 6 punts without letting go of any of the footballs. Patrick Crayton tries and falls down while trying to catch his fifth. I’m not sure I could hold 6 footballs at one time, much less catch a punt while holding multiple footballs. That’s crazy talent that can never be used in the course of an actual football game. Kind of like my uncanny ability to dance like a white boy. Totally useless skill. It never got me any girls. FYI, Crayton was able to tie Jones with 6 punts caught without dropping a football by the end of the episode.

We also get to meet Keon Lattimore and find out he’s All-Pro Linebacker Ray Lewis’s little brother. That’s really not a big deal to me. I could care less who his brother is. The question is whether or not he can play. So far in this camp, it seems he has been less than impressive. I say he will get cut and not make the team. He would have had absolutely zero impact anyway as a back up to Marion Barber and Felix Jones. The good news is that the Cowboys are upgraded at running back compared to last year. You can definitely quote me on that.

When Felix Jones reported to camp after finally getting his contract “issue” resolved, he quickly got manhandled by a linebacker blitzing in the backfield. The show then cuts to Marion Barber to show his experience in blocking. As you’ll see in the video, Marion Barber takes on a linebacker in a blocking drill and blows him up. Second year linebacker Tyson Smith couldn’t stand up after that hit. Oh snap!

The expectations on the Cowboys are basically Super Bowl or bust. Yet, the past two seasons they have lost the very first playoff game in which they participated. That would normally be a tall order, but the Cowboys return an NFL record 13 Pro-Bowlers. While the ultimate goal is to win the Super Bowl, we learn that only two current Cowboys have Super Bowl rings. Backup quarterback Brad Johnson when he was with Tampa Bay and wide receiver Todd Lowber who was on the New York Giants practice squad last year.

The best part of the show was the rookie hazing. The veterans took bananad and added what looks like two tomatoes and attached them at the base to form a falic symbol microphone. The rookies had to say their name, school, signing bonus, and sing a song. Drew Atchison stole the show, but I don’t want to ruin it so just watch the video below and you’ll be laughing.

Overall, the first episode was very entertaining. I’m excited to see the rest of the episodes and see how they treat the emotions of those that get cut and of those that still have a chance. Stay tuned!

• A big thanks to Awful Announcing for putting together the highlights of this season of Hard Knocks.