2012 starts off with a global cataclysm, which brings an end to the world as we know it, and chronicles the heroic struggle of the survivors. As you might imagine, if you’re prone to watching the History Channel as I am, the 2012 date in the title refers to the end days of human civilization as foretold by the ancient Mayan calendar.

Emmerich and Harald Kloser penned the screenplay, which Sony bought in February.

John Cusack, himself no slouch when it comes to movies named after numbers (Sixteen Candles, Eight Men Out, 1408) has signed on to star in the $200M budgeted summer tentpole picture. When’s the last time we heard John Cusack and summer tentpole picture mentioned in the same sentence? Oh yeah, Con Air back in 1997…

Redbelt star Chiwetel Ejiofor also is in talks to join the big-budget epic which hopes to start filming in July, barring an actor’s strike, for a July, 2009 release.

The Essentials

Title: 10,000 BC (official site)
Directed by Roland Emmerich
Written by Roland Emmerich & Harald Kloser
Running Time: 1:48
MPAA Rating: PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence.

The Plot of 10,000 BC

A young hunter is forced to lead a small group of hunters to pursue a band of mysterious warlords to the end of the world to save the girl he loves.

The Story of 10,000 BC

A young girl is rescued by the hunters of a remote mountain village in a prehistoric ice age community. The girl’s village has been destroyed and now a prophecy follows the young girl that she will be the woman of the leader who will lead the tribe into a new life and save them from starving as a result of the warming climate and dwindling numbers of mammoths which they hunt and eat.

When she gets older, the young girl, Evolet, and a young hunter, D’Leh, are in love and are destined to be together. D’Leh becomes the leader who wins the girl and will fulfill the prophecy. But before he can, the same people who killed Evolet’s people return and kidnap Evolet and many others. Now, D’Leh must summon his courage and chase through a changing world to recapture his love and free his people. Together they must all face one who others worship as a god and who now threatens to enslave them all forever.

The Review of 10,000 BC

For all the critical drubbing and online negative buzz, 10,000 BC is hardly the worst movie ever made. Of course, it’s not nearly the best.

Roland Emmerich is capable of making much better movies than the mish-mash that this film turned out to be. I wanted to believe the film might be stupid, as I knew it would be, but somehow enjoyable. A person can only suspend disbelief so far, however, before the film begins to lose all sense of credibility. This is what happens to 10,000 BC.

I didn’t have a problem with the characters speaking English. After all, this is a big budget, action-adventure film. No one expects the audience to have to read all the dialog. Now, why they all had different accents… I also didn’t have a problem with the mammoths which I thought looked pretty cool. I didn’t feel the same way about the giant turkey/ostrich type things. I guess they looked ok from a purely special effects point of view (sort of), but the whole idea of them was kind of dumb. Ditto with the saber-toothed tiger that was just a big pussy-cat once you got to know him.

I think if the film had been given a different title and perhaps no reference to time or place had been made, it would have actually freed up a lot of the problems I had with the historical inaccuracies I (and many critics) had with the film. Asking us to believe an ice age glacier and a steamy jungle exist merely feet from one another is one thing; asking us to believe mammoths were the animal of choice for the Egyptians building the pyramid in 10,000 BC…something else entirely.

The story plods along at too slow a pace to really build any sort of suspense. The narration, though necessary (and provided by the great Omar Sharif – who, in a surprise to me, isn’t dead), only added to the sense that the viewer was far removed from the action of the story. I wanted to care for the characters, but there simply wasn’t anything to care about. The dialog was simplistic. The acting was simply adequate (not even that at times). Although, the heroine, Evolet, played by Camilla Belle was quite pretty and is getting a lot of buzz (for her beauty) so I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot more of her.

In the end, I really felt like this story was a discarded first script for Stargate. At one point, the characters make reference to Atlantis, but at other times it seems the filmmakers are attempting to make us think there are otherworldly origins for the “god” that rules Egypt (such as another planet). Both concepts sound like cool ideas, but neither pans out so we’re left with nothing but a formulaic plot that ends exactly like we always knew it would.

Watch 10,000 BC If…

You’re too lazy or stupid to read the captions of Apocalypto, Mel Gibson’s vastly superior (and similar in plot) film. Otherwise, there’s no reason to spend big bucks on the theater for this one. I actually think the special effects will look better on the smaller screen of your television. Wait for the DVD.