And now…we have a freaky, bloody Red Band edition of the trailer that may end your days of looking at yourself in that shiny glass every morning.

You’ve been warned.

I watched the trailer myself and muttered the words “no thanks”, because from what I saw, the movie already has two strikes against it in my book:

First off, it has little kids, which are always scary AND THEN it has little kids looking in mirrors.

I just don’t think I can handle that level of fright.

Either way, the poster is below. It’s a good one, although not super original if you ask me. It feels a lot like most of the more recent horror movies, like Saw, The Grudge, etc.

But hey, it’s a poster, it’s a movie with Jack Bauer, so here you go!

Maybe.

Either way, he’s coming out with a horror movie called Mirrors which is set for an August 15th release date. Some have thought it was another Japanese remake, but Paulington from Movieweb did an interview with director Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes, Frontiers) who corrected those rumors.

“We received a script from Regency called Into the Mirrors, and we didn’t know anything about the movie. When we read it, we didn’t connect with the story at all. We didn’t connect with the characters or the scares. But there was something about the simple idea of using the mirrors. When we started talking about the script, we realized that both men and women are constantly looking at themselves in the mirror. Who knows how many times in a day. Not just house mirrors, but people are constantly looking at themselves in rearview mirrors, water, glass. Anything that has a reflection. It’s just nuts. You may look at yourself ten times, thirty times, a hundred times in a day.

He goes on to say that other than the opening scene, it really has no resemblance of Into the Mirrors. The plot sounds intriguing, but the idea of mirrors freaks me out.

I always have enjoyed Sutherland, especially in his minor part in A Few Good Men, so I’m curious what kind of movie Mirrors will turn out to be.

Sutherland will play a security guard who gets wrapped up in a mystery surrounding a specific department store’s mirrors which seems to bring out the worst in people.

The movie also stars Amy Smart (Just Friends) and Paula Patton (Hitch)

We have some photos from the movie below for your enjoyment.

A new edition of the movie is coming to DVD and Blu-Ray on July 29th. It’s the Dark City: Director’s Cut, which supposedly is 15 minutes longer than the original’s 96 minute run time.

There are other rumored special add-ons, like a new score, new special effects, new interviews, etc. All we know for sure is that the DVD will have “new special features”, according to Warner Brothers.

If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s a science fiction masterpiece starring Keifer Sutherland, Jennifer Connelly, William Hurt and Rufus Sewell. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it, and I don’t remember much of it other than it was fantastic. Here is the quick synopsis from IMDB:

“A man struggles with memories of his past, including a wife he cannot remember, in a nightmarish world with no sun and run by beings with telekinetic powers who seek the souls of humans.”

Below is the artwork for the new DVD set. The cover is pretty awesome.

I checked on Amazon.com, and there doesn’t appear to be a way to pre-order it yet, but once there is one, I’ll pass it on.

I mean, everyone knows what Jack Bauer looks like. Plus he was wearing this t-shirt.

And they aren’t playing around here. Not only was he supposed to perform kitchen duties and wash laundry, according to my inside source TMZ, but he was also stripped naked and ordered to wear a *gulp* orange jumpsuit…

Of all the torture Jack has inflicted on his enemies over his life (whacked off heads, suffocation, drugs, Kim), nothing can compare to the ultimate humiliation of looking like a giant carrot.

They should have known better.

Now, the account that follows is not my own, obviously, but of my most secret inside source at the jail…we’ll just call him Prison Mike ->.

Lights-out was called, and all was quiet. The kitchen staff never noticed the missing spatula, mostly because they were too distracted by the sheen coming off of the clean dishes and the absence of stains that had dominated the stove for years.

Jack doesn’t mess around.

Prison Mike said one of the titanium bars holding Jack’s cell was loose. Not enough for a mere mortal to use to his advantage, but Jack plucked the thing like a toothpick out of the floor and used it to tie the rest of the bars together into a big knot, thus allowing him an opening to escape.

Running down the hallway, Jack yanked a hair out of his head and used it to pick the lock of the next two doors. A couple of guards jumped out of a side closet, but the glare of Jack’s eyes caused them to melt right in front of him like ice cream on a hot street. He scanned over their remains, the guns, batons and pepper spray, but only took what he really needed: Shoelaces.

As he turned to make for the door he was pulled aside by someone.

“What the frak, you’re dead man!” said Jack, stunned at the sight of Tony Almeida standing before him, missing a few body parts from the explosion in season 5.

“I know Jack, but come on, no one ever dies on this show. Let’s go, President Palmer is waiting for us outside. He never was assassinated, they used Claire’s blood to bring him back to life.”

Jack’s head swooned for a moment and then they took off down the hall.

Suddenly a bazooka fired at them, coming from a group of 20 guards, all armed with machine guns. Jack quickly tied together the two shoelaces he stole off the melted men earlier and lassoed the projectile in midair. He flung it back down the hall, destroying the attacking group and opening a hole in the side of the jail.

Tony and Jack burst outside and found Palmer waiting.

“Sir, it’s amazing to see you again, the last time I saw you there was a hole in your head from a…”

He never finished the sentence as another bullet was shot into Palmer’s head, killing him instantly.

“Dammit, are you kidding me? Again?” exclaimed Bauer.

“Sorry Jack, you know how the story goes, there is always a traitor you never see coming. That’s me this time,” Tony confessed, a smoking pistol in his right hand. “And now you will die, just as we’ve planned all along.”

The bullet fired straight at Jack, but he spit out the spatula he had stolen earlier and hid in his stomach. Wielding the steel pancake flipping tool, he deflected the shot from Tony and then flung it at him boomerang style.

Tony’s head fell down onto the lawn outside the jail, and Jack walked up to him.

“As someone from another network said the other day, ‘there’s no coming back from that’.”

—–

So sayeth Prison Mike. Sound impossible? Maybe.

But he’s on the loose. And those guys who arrested him better watch out.

No one makes Jack Bauer wash dishes.